Past few months have been the dimmest journey of 'our' lives in short... We have to endure things that we didn't expect to happen and letting go of things that we never thought of leaving.
Having to go against all the external factors to fight for what one wants, is a tiring choice :( It's a choice that I got to make as it might just hurt more in future. I'm selfish and I just want to run away from it...
It is definitely not an easy choice to make, in order to let go for us.
Haven't been myself for the past few months, bet 'u' were too.
Heart vs Head. Emotions vs Logic. Wants vs Needs.
Bumping and getting around, trying possibilities but all didn't seemed to work.Took a break to search for what is the real need but it didn't work as need is not felt.Struggled, tried to convince myself that it is possible to move on but only to realize that it's hard!I can't ignore my emotions that's overwhelming, and my heart's telling me no!
Struggled, to let go.
Saw that as the best option for this is a lifetime commitment, no longer a simple 'let's be together'. I am not ready to accept for my heart's going against it. I thought I could do it, but I'm sorry as I really can't... Hated myself for everything, and causing all the misery... Refused to take the final step but it looked like that is the only way out.
"I'm sorry" is all that I could say and I know even a million times won't help.
Sorry don't make sense to 'u' but I really have to let go.
I rather hurt 'u' now then let it hurt more in future.
This is my choice and I'm sorry to leave 'u' with no choice and to make 'u' upset.
It hurts me to let go, and to lose those who loved and cared for me,
it's gonna be a kind of regret.
But why continue if I do not see happiness out of it.
'U' might want to try, to fight for that happiness rather than give it all up...
but I'm sorry. I know clearly what is going to happen if we ever took that plunge.
Someone will be hurt again and I have no wish to go through another heartbreaking affair.
Went through lots of soul-searching and self reprimanding to only realize that it'll make things worst. Tried to stop thinking and go ahead with whatever that comes along but feeling's suffocating. Wants to go ahead and follow my heart / head but guilt, selfishness and agony got into me... I can't continue this way to mislead 'u' yet i fear of hurting 'u' so much that I do not know how!!! I do not wish to hurt anyone... I've lost myself in this game though I won eventually to get what I want.
Walked through this period with my friends, you guys know who you are and I am really grateful for that. Advices are not given, but listening ears are provided. For those who didn't ask a lot, but knew that I am not doing well, thank you for every single "Are you okay", "We're always around", You have our support"... It all meant a lot to me, just in case you thought it's just another 'Are you ok?'.
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 4:38 PM