Accompanied dad to TTS for a minor ear ops. Waited with him, and had the routine medical history check. It was not a good experience as you see patients around which makes you think of how fragile life is man. The journey was long back home and checked my emails. Hmmm... didn't really like the idea of throwing the ball around in the court. Can't someone just grab it? Luckily I got K, and M who's understanding. Followed through but didn't know if that was the right way to go, but since no one wants to take the plunge and pending for instructions. So long as things could be done, just do ba. No point to use time and let the finger work. It'll never work ya?...
Had bread for lunch while being amused and angry over nonsensical stuff. R called...called... Mum albeit angry: "Take leave? Might as well go work laaaaa" Anyway, she was grumbling on my behalf. Hehee... I can't say anything. It's my job ma. Hospital still didn't call till 3pm - was supposed to call at 2.30pm. Got a little worried and went back to TTS. Dad's still not out at ward, so went to walk around at Novena Square. Wasn't really in the mood, walked around, stopped at Times and browse through books and magazines. It was already 5pm and I've got no where to go! Aiya, take an early dinner laaa... as timely as it was~ hospital called after I'm done with dinner. Yeah!!!
But! Waited till 6pm when the nurse came-by to woke dad up. May aunty and Mum with darling Travis have reached by then but Dad still cannot be discharged :( not feeling good and have to be under observation till he's better. Waited, waited... finished my Delifrance Crossiant, 9pm show and finally we get to leave at 10.30pm. zzzz, so tiring and worrying.
Dad didn't eat anything from last dinner till 10.30pm. He was so so so weak with the bandage on his head. No food, no cab, no coffee shop and decided to go up to Novena Chicken Rice stall for porridge. Reached home at 11.30pm. zzzz... called a cab and costed $15 to come home, so ex!
Long day but worth it to ensure dad's safety. Watched 'Xi You Ji Part 2' and today's trip was at South Africa. Footstep in Singapore was indeed too fast. When was the last I or you stopped by and slow down the pace to observe the surroundings. The world is so big with so much to see. I wanna play a part in anyone's life to just make a small little contribution. With my limitations, all I want now is to contribute to my family, earn more money and provide them with a comfortable life. To step out of my comfort zone, I must first build up my base; and it has to be strong! I'm still worried about dad man, can't sleep so safeguard till now. But, gonna headed for bed already, too tired. Good night!
Now I realized, one really have to take care as you never know what will happen. Precaution is always better than cure... You are now on the way for ya tripI guess? Have fun but please take care!
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 3:29 AM
1st day of leave, but woke up at 9.30am. Was kinda hungry as didn't have proper dinner last night and joined the team for lunch. Opps, was late by 15mins. Apologies but I'm really lift-idiot - hated high-rise buildings with all sorts of various lifts for different levels. As usual, I got lost as how I got lost at DBS building during the first day of my internship.
Already as late as I was, I saw different signs and arrows for all kinds of lifts. Odd/even storeys, 1-30/31-50/34-62 etc etc etc. Left-right-up-down and I finally got on to the right lift to bring me up to 62nd storey and then, re-directed to 63rd storey again.zzz~
Lunch was ok, and we had a set-lunch which I believed it was costly. However, didn't get to see the top view as we not seated near the window.
Food was alright but wasn't really my kind of food except for dessert and codfish :) Presentation was good but the lobster was a little tough and comes with a 'fishy' smell, Ostrich meat was a little too hard and think I ate too slow, didn't finish and left half a palm size untouched as the next item was already being dished out.
Token of appreciations were presented to the 'secretaries' at the table...S was very happy with her set of Dior perfume, C with her Revlon lipstick set and K with her Dior lipstick Platte. Yeah!
We had the usual lunch conversation but didn't talk much as I was quite tired... T called after lunch but somehow, was a little lost without information at the tip of my fingers. Confusion sets in and slight complication took place. Furthermore, called back office and a series of event happened again. Hai- How I wished, I didn't apply leave and was in the office man. Lost the mood to study and was feeling really down, wanted so much to find a drinking partner but I'm broke. Boo! Alternatively, I went for a sinful dose of chocolate sundae and curry puff. Hee...
Reached home at 8pm and went for dinner downstairs with family. Yummy... Nothing expensive but satisfying. We had steam fish, 'Tei ban toufu' which came in a big piece instead of small rounded ones, bitter-gourd soup, fried rice, er-fu mee and assorted vegetables. All for 5 person only @ $65.00... Had 2 good meals today and oops, how sinful!
I'm really moody, didn't talk much during dinner as well but at least, I've got accompany around didn't have time to think much.
It's tough balancing during this period, really... I still have to bear responsibility for my duties. Balance balance balance....
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 11:24 PM
Today, is my last day in office before I take my leave. Tons of things to settle with millions of worries. Slogged my way to complete and finish as much as I can with all sorts of predictions that might happen for May. Left office at 1am and it's no fun. Gate was locked and it's scary to hear shutter doors closing one by one. I shivered man, but I've got no choice. I snacked to make sure I don't think too much and be brave to stay on. Reached home at 1.30am and it's tiring... Don't scold me stupid but I can't run away from anything. It's either today/tomorrow or the day after... Might as well let it be today? BOO!
Finally... waited for the day to come to fully concentrate on my studies and keep it as my first priority at least, for this month. This is all I needed to really study and work hard for the exams. I have been neglecting, yes I know. But I'm always tired and lethargic to even think of studying let alone attend classes. I am guilty but what can I do, lack of discipline and time management.
This was exactly what I'm afraid of, right from the start of the commitment. With the assurance, support, confidence and advice, I made that step to never ever land~ I was sure that this is which I want and clear; for I have you in my plans, to guide me though the route and believing in everything that was lay in front of me. Really man, one should never say never. I am hurt and in fact, very! For what is there back then is no longer here.
I have to manage myself since that fateful day. I never regretted as this is what I've decided and embraced it with faith. I knew this day would come and this will happen... but I am left to strive on my own, with the heavy load on my shoulder. I'm afraid, I might just give way and end up with the most undesired result. I dread for this day to come, for sure I can't cope. I am stressed and now stuck in the middle of two boats, I expected it and might fall anytime. But, what I expected was never as difficult as this... for I can't handle it alone :(
No one understood what happened, no one knew what went on...
It was always between us for the unknown...
The promise ceased, since the day you left...
With me to fight the war alone.
I am angry, and confused...
I know the rules of the game, but I'm giving up.
Leaving it to what comes by to decide my fate.
I no longer wants to struggle, as I can do so no more...
As much as I want, I can't...
Something is holding me back...
With much grievances that I can only pour to myself.
The extension of many hands are weak,
and I'm still stuck in a hole...
I never know when I'll be freed...
But I'm just too tired and want to be left alone.
For this simple request, possible?
Just this month?
I want to be alone to not think of anything...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 2:19 AM
