Sad to say, but I am tired again. I am 'trained' and 'asked' to be strong and set aside emotions for work, but can I choose to be weak, for at least once, at times? I've got a sudden desire, to venture out, and to see the 'world' out there.
Recruitment exercise that never once stopped with the same routine, different challenges, requirements and situations that changed without allowing you to have even a minute to re-think about it.
Always thought that with perseverance, nothing is impossible. But, I really wished that I could just walked away from it and passed the responsibilities to someone else. Even if it's only for a moment, I just want to walk away and come back again.
Need that sparkle to light up my passion again, and that little motivation to get me back on my feet. I'm not moving, just staying put on the same old ground that I've stood on all these while.
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 11:33 PM
Supposed to meet CY and girls for drinks but seems like a hassle aka private event so rejected as mood was too lousy to chat or hear of explanations etc.
Supposed to reject the girls for dinner in order to save money but given the kind of frustrations (the-ARGH-you-know-it yet can't-do-shit kinda) mood was too lousy to stay at home on a Friday night.
Went back home, collected keys and joined Jo and girls for drinks at Mel's place. Nice place but left soon after 2 glasses of wine as the girls need to head home. Jo recommend to continue at 1 Twenty Six @ East Coast Park since it's still early and we went. Better place with better crowd and music :)
Poor Vin and Christopher got to stone throughout the night while we bitch-ed over work and what has happened on the (oh-we-can't-do-shit but get the heat) throughout the night...
Felt a little better after the wine and of course, being able to at least, for once, talked to someone who understood what-the-hell was going on... It used to be, HR are not supposed to bitch but be professional but heck, I need to let it all out before I age-d for another 10.
Thanks dear for going along with me, else... I might just end up at home with you feeling all grouchy, sad and angry. Muackz! You learnt something new today too, "LOL", "WEM" and "WOW"!!! Tell me, you do feel younger, don't you... He-he!
It's turning 4am, bf's snoozing for the past 2 hours after telling me "I just need 5mins and we go back SK"... I'm feeling all tired but just can't get to bed, sadist. Dad's gonna go 'cruising' later and got to return car in 2 hours time~
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 3:44 AM
This playground has been under your control all these while, at least 75% and you choose to give it up today. I understand, accept and respect your decision, with appreciation of the effort that you have made for the past few months. I've tried to persuade but it seems like I need a miracle for it to work. I knew you tried and put in your best, but if it's gonna be done in the dark, no one will know till you explain as we don't get to see the background. The so called 'ugly bunch' of flowers may take the Florist to: Trim the stalks, cut into different lengths, remove the thorns, match the colors from wrapper to ribbons, arranging sunflowers with roses and lilies with nice little 'forget-me-not' and 满天星 to become a big bouquet. Every single effort and thoughts made yearned to be appreciated too. No one will fault anyone for blaming it to be ugly, but won't the florist gets devastated if he knows that it was said to be ugly, and not even a "Thank You" at all? The world is round; what goes around, comes around depending on how sensitive one is for any remarks made. At very least, we still get to work for the next 1 month or so... I'll treasure these times. Meanwhile, I'll pray for miracle to happen! Surprises does pop by my life once in a while...
Communications is indeed the key to success and most of the problems arises due to a lack of it.
I'm not perfect at communications too, but I'll try to explain myself out of the situation to seek understanding for any imperfection and improve on. Busy was never an excuse for anything but a tool to gather more time. But shouldn't we communicate to others while buying time for the deadline so that nobody will be lost in the process?
Things are not always self-explanatory and at times, people don't care so long as they don't hear announcements?
There's nothing I can do, to make you comfortable if I cannot get your support and involvement. It was great knowing and working with you as a team, talking things out but at times, I do get uncomfy as you are too smart a person to work with.
It's uncomfortable when I need to stay 90% awake, making sure that I speak for the right person, right issue and nothing bias nor 'wrong' to ensure that I do not get rebutted. Should I use the word argumentative? It's tiring, and I'm learning everyday on how to be tactful with my words and resolve conflicts and unhappiness via the easier method - communicate.
I never had problems working with you and it has been a joy in fact to see that we are 'better off'. I respected your knowledge, exposure, the 'never give in' attitude and the ability to enforce rules and regulations. I understand that, that's only your front in order to get things on the right path, but... on the other hand, I'm facing issues when other misunderstood you, trying to explain on your behalf and passing messages. Argh, I know if you read this, you'll tell me, "don't try, not needed"! - I think you're tired too...
Guess, it didn't start off right as it was really a case of a once bitten, twice shy. Let alone, it's the third time. Trust, relationship building and teamwork didn't not happen overnight with the rest and things continued to sour when majority tend to leave things as it was... little tried.
Oh well, at least I tried. It has been a good game for the past few months and I believed, I learnt something out from here again. To be better protected, situational aware, speak up, be firm and knowledgeable in order to gain bargaining power.
Hey dearest CY,
Since you have been such a great buddy... I decided to present to you one last gift! Although I might be penniless, I can still do magic surprises!!! You don't need to have penny with a sincere heart... ha-ha. Birthday Girl
The Beautiful Moments
The Crazy Times 
The Just So Random Meet-ups (Can you recall these photos?) 
The Preeee-ty Season 
The Oh-so-motivated Days (Lazy you! When was the last we jogged @ East Coast?)
The Perfect Holidays
The Madness Zonkie Hours (Awww, how can we leave out the hot favourite! Clubbing!) Yet, we tend to enjoy most when it's only us? 2 makes greater fun at times.
Lastly,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND!
Be Cheerful, Happy, Energetic, Naughty, Good
&
Be YOU and Imaginative
* Alright, I'm zonking out already. BF is scolding me for spending too much time with the PC these few days! Zzzzz...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 12:13 AM
Dearest Chengyi, Happy 23rd Birthday! (12/08) Got to do this in advance, earlier is better than late :) Enjoy and hope you'll like it... Click here for the link to view I must claim some credit here for I spent a a lot of time doing this hor! 1st time doing this and stupid Internet Explorer and photobucket kept hanging... Strangle you if you don't like because I burnt my Sunday night and PH just to get this up for you huh. Luckily I have always been updating my photographs constantly and have a good collection as it still took a lot of time to find the 'chio-est' photo of you! (I had a hard time doing that, because, you always do monkey faces-ROAR!) Just imagine if I upload my photos once in many months, I can never have this done up. Anyway, I apologise for any 'you-know-what-la' and it was not meant to happen that way right from the start. Enjoy the celebration tonight and please, don't wear 'too casual', it's your day~ kindly dress up! Bleah. Lastly, thanks for being such a great buddy! The times spent on psycho-ing each other to attend (skip) lesson, crazy mugging, exam's stress, #*@!*, complaining about anything under the sky, clubbing craze, the long john silver syndromes whenever we meet for dinner, Mahjong Fridays and too much more to even state... seems so unimportant but it's what that bonds us! What's work and unhappiness? Throw them aside and have a great birthday, as you deserved it!
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 4:23 PM
2 more days to our dear Chengyi Birthday!
Due to some 'unforeseeable' and 'non-disclosure' matters, there were lots of miscommunication in this Birthday gathering planning. So much double-work and SMSes just to get this going. Hated it...
But well, in order to ensure that my bestie gets the right birthday celebration, we are definitely meeting up on Wednesday night! Too bad, no Zouk this time but same fun, promised! Zouk can always happen once we get our paycheck ya? Ha-ha!
Present for CY is settled and no longer a surprise due to 'you-know-what's-going-on' and to ensure that you do still get a little surprise, I've got something done, just for you!
Check out the next blog entry for the completed scrapbook...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 4:59 AM
I'm proud to be a Singaporean and although we are not yet perfect, I still love Singapore for the fact that we are a young yet, well-established. Happy Birthday Singapore!!! This year's message by PM Lee, was to call for unity to face challenges ahead. I agreed, as this is what we required most at work too. Unity is the key to success... Sigh! Challenges ahead are a great hurdle, will unity create miracles and will success be proven with faith? Half-way through our journey outside, I mumbled and sing-along for The plegde and I remembered. Chris: Started humming the full song to bf, and repeating in words two times to highlight bf mistakes. Therefore, I did recite The National Pledge today, but was a little ealier instead of at 8.22pm. Ha-ha!
Besides, Singapore stood on a good geographical spot where it was almost 100% free from natural disasters that we always heard on the News that was happening to neighbouring countries.
I remembered, that I used to dislike hearing the minister's opening speeches or any other National day/rallies etc when I was young.
Recalled the time when there are no SCV, and Channel 5 and 8 will show the same program at the same time. Boring right?
But... as I entered the workforce, I realized that these speeches are important and started to appreciate it. Indirectly, I gain insights of how leaders lead, where Singapore is moving towards, general updates that are important to the workforce and the communities overall well being.
Some may agree or disagree with the contents and might felt that it's nothing but talk, but hey... without these leaders, commoners who are not well-educated might not even know what is happening.
Speeches like such, even if it creates negative responses... will be able to indirectly, pass down important messages such as hearing taxi uncles complaining about recession, coffeeshop aunties saying how much they are cost cutting to manage rising living costs, how a dollar has shirked, and for me, it's more of how to tap on Government advices, foresights and assistances available to stand stronger during hard times.
I missed out today's National Parade and The Pledge Moment... Opps. I'm at Jalan Kayu eating dinner and there was no television nor Radio! Sigh~
However, bf posted a question to me in the noon.
Vin: "You still remember the full script for our National Pledge?"
Chris: "Yes la, but I don't want to tell you." (In fact, I forgot!)
Vin: "You sure not? Started reciting and missed out one whole paragraph."
Chris: "Wrong, you missed out something. BUT! I also cannot remember."
Enjoy the fireworks video while I continue my blog.
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 11:03 PM
Although we have quite a lot of last minute stuff to follow up due to a short notice period for moving, we managed to move out quite smoothly for the Operations, Kitchen and Office!
Ops and kitchen guys really did a good job this time round, with great communications, mutual understanding and team working which helped to solved lots of last minute requirements such as transport and moving of equipments etc. Of course, there bound to be hidden unhappiness and arguments, but they did it!
Office was up today, with temporary desks, PC and simple infrastructure on the targeted date! Whew... this was very stressful as my Internet and server kept giving problem, which are still on-going with an on-off short-circuit, power failure, Internet connection error, LAN conflicts and air-con failure.
OMG, my heart raced every once an error was reported. Zzz!
Many nitty gritty complains and hiccups in the new bee hoon house, but I think, we did it and are prepared to get through it and be better ba.
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 2:29 AM
Attn dearies,
This long entry is just for me to yak and rumble about (skip this).
Most of us would have heard about the office movement since last year and got kinda used to.. We are targeting to move soon, plannings are in progress etc.
I never expected an early move as nothing was really being planned for and I wasn't dealing nor in-charge of any renovations or planning prior to this. It was a gift from heaven, yet another challenge to take on as it 'conveniently' fell on my shoulders when T left for an unexpected abroad studies.
I wasn't given a chance to think through at that point of time and began to attend meetings regarding moving of office, taking on PA and Secretary job while trying to manage recruitment and misc HR stuff.
Come to think of it, how did I do that? Guessed, it was through dropping a few balls and placing 80% concentration and effort instead of 100% for each task. This is not good, as sub-standard work is not good either!
Didn't have 'time' to think of anything back then, as the first thought was to get the job done and hit the deadlines. More balls are rolling off my hands as I took on more...
To be truthful, the only quality time for me to really think through was when I'm blogging! Neither am I trying to complain or grumble but, my heart don't feel good when I think about it or face situation that reminds me of it!
Why does it fall 'conveniently' under my responsibilities?
I really disliked having different treatment. If it's previous or even new hire, there bound to be lesser work, auto 'delegation', and even incentives to take on this project? Why am I being assumed for this thankless job and get nothing but, nonsense and blames when things do not happen right. I am upset just by thinking about this.
Things like this makes me felt totally taken for granted as it's deemed as my job to complete it.
ARGH! No anger but lots of grievances! Any HR for me to turn to?
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 1:34 AM
Singapore's turning 44th soon! 1 more week to go...
I always liked National Day, to sing-along with all the National Day songs, say the Pledge, watch the soldiers marching and enjoy the fireworks!!!
I've been trying to ballot for NDP tickets since young but never had any luck with it. Thus, I gave up subsequently... The only NDP I went was when I was Primary 5 I guess, the compulsory kind that everyone have to attend. How sad!
Anyway, darling bought the Singapore Flyer's tickets online with the Passion Card promo - we got 30% off the normal price for a 8pm boarding pass as 8.15pm was the expected time for the fireworks!
Online purchase was supposed to be made seven days in advance but bf sent in the booking form only... on the day itself. So glad that it went through!
We have not been to Singapore Flyer together and I've only went once with Boss to have lunch at Popeye's some time back! Going there via public transport was our first time today and, the flyer looks so NEAR yet so far due to all the road closure! Phewww... Finally got our way there with the help of a few police officer and NS men.
Managed to catch the fireworks in the capsule when we are at the highest point. :) Nice show and it's been years since we last stood together to enjoy fireworks as bf always complain about the crowd and transport.
Ta-da!!! No crowd this year and no heads appearing on my video. HAPPY!!!
Thank you dear, with love. 
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 12:56 AM