Official Announcement:
16 May - Principles of Accounting (Expo: 1430 - 1745)
20 May - Principles of Sociology (Expo: 1000 - 1300)
27 May - Elements of Social Physiology (Expo: 1430 - 1730)
3 June - Mathematics Science Methods (Expo: 1000 - 1300)
Good luck!
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 4:16 AM
It's your day!!! Happy Birthday with lots of well-wishes. May your journey be enriching and fruitful with abundances!
No words can express what I'm feeling. I bet, it's the same for yours. Silent means everything to me, at least... for now. We're apart again on this occasion... Back from ya trip and asleep now i guess. Every thing's too much for us to absorb I guess. No one knows what's what. Two different areas, perspectives, stresses and commitments. We are being separated by an invisible border by these differences. No one chose to admit nor choose to believe. There's nothing we can do, just let time solve this and we'll be good...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 2:22 AM
I know I am not going to enjoy my leave, with all those left undone and the books untouched. I know I am unable to concentrate, and will not be able to do so till the needed is done. With my limitations. I think I've maxed my 'quota', and really cannot absorb anymore... need a little breather at least. I have been chiong-ing for the past few years. Everyone else does too, but it's tiring, why must one work so hard. Sigh~
Materially, I've achieved nothing for I am still a simple me. I do not ask for lavish treatment nor splurge. Mentally, I've achieved nothing but negativity at times. Physically, not doing good. Life has been what is it and not under my control... I'm like a kite, following the direction of the wind. No matter how high I flew, I'm still tight to a string... The string that taught me how to, which direction to and how far to fly.
I knew I've gained a lot during these period on to manage challenges, truth of reality and human nature on fatality of words. I've learnt to be a little smarter, for nothing can be true and fair. True? What's most important is still the ultimate end. What lies behind the surface, are nothing but the ugly truth at times with a motive being attached to one's actions. "Nothing is free in this materialist world anyway?"
I'm tired of being taken for granted. My commitment is not for your leisure... what should I do. I'm tired of having a fake mask and believing that what I believed will still come true. I hate to live in delusion and picking up myself whenever I fell. I know, this time, I fell again and once again, I'd need to pick myself up. I'm tired but I still have to do it. Am I being stubborn and ignoring what lies in-front? Am I... I don't know. I just wants to move on, and I'd still believe that I'll do anything within me... I don't mind being the last for I do not need recognition. All I want is for your consideration and slight fairness~
How I wished
I wished - I could turn the clock back...
I wished - I had just graduated...
I wished - I had been more mature...
I wished - I had a little more time...
I wished - I had not been trusting...
I wished - I never believed that the good begets the good...
I wished I had, I wished I was and I wished I could...
How naive and gullible...
Leaving my fate to your hands.
I wished for everything but it's always too late...
For anything and everything, nothing can go against gravity on earth...
Just like no one could bring back the dead...
Tick Tock Tick Tock...
Looking back with no regrets?
I wished... I didn't or have I already started so?
At times
At times, I missed you...
At times, I hated you...
At times, I'm confused...
Who were you when you were talking to me?
Who were you when decisions were made?
Recalling back the times, it's scary...
I never knew who you were...
What you were thinking...
What plans you have in mind...
Which side of yours is true,
and which is not...
For better or worst, I know for sure, you have played an important role in my life.
I wouldn't have been what I am today, without you 'that' day.
I'm grateful yet in a loss as you left me behind...
with no words nor advice...
At times, I yearn for advice...
At times, I yearn for solutions...
At times, I yearn for your presence...
But I know, it's never gonna come true.
I'm lost... just lost...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 4:49 PM
Labor Day - Strikes throughout different nations. Cheap labour, increasing prices, unsatisfied workers... Maybe, I should start a strike? Submit an application, get approved with a room, do my banner and shout to myself with echo back.. Hahaa! Anyway, I spent my morning on bed... till 11am. Drank a cuppa HL milk and played Mahjong with Ah Ma, Gu Ma and Sis/Mum. Packed my notes and books in between when Mum took over my seat to play. Continued to Mahjong till 5pm when darling Travis cried as Mum is needed to baby-sit. Lost a fair bit at the initial stage but managed to break-even with last minute winnings...
Cooked porridge with corns, broccoli and carrots for dad who was too giddy and hasn't ate since a cuppa milk in the morning. Took my books and started studying... Phone rang and paused my momentum. Same confusion and conversation, but managed to got it down and had it done while my mind is still clear. Continued to study but gave up after another call as I really can't focus, my sums are just all wrong!!! Irritated, I went for a bath and I simply need to BLOG! Updated all that I wanted with refusal to sleep as I'm too upset and I'll just keep thinking - just kinda confused... what am I supposed to do or react? Sigh, I'd need to head back to office tomorrow morning and cancel my leave. Positively - yeah! I've saved one day leave.
Remember? I'm tired to struggle nor fight for anything. I told myself to live for myself but I can't... Christina - you need to change. Please give me time... I'm still learning, but letting go as the same time. Life's short - why bother so much?
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 2:58 AM