Based on previous post, was supposed to write what drove me to giving up. Decided not to do so... need to manage myself and before giving up, I need to have a valid reason or at least an excuse for myself to wave white flag. By saying this, I'm still trying but it's already more than a little tiring. It's straining me? Random thoughts ran through my mind recently, regularly and most of the times.
Am I on the right path?
Am I doing it right?
Am I thinking twice?
Am I wearing a hat too big?
Am I reaching my limit?
Am I getting what is desired?
Am I coping well?
Am I giving up?
I remember telling someone,the world is too big,there are always chance to explore it...settle down,build your base first and overcome the challenges before heading off to another. Don't give up till you try... Am i right?
I remembered someone telling me too. The world is so big,you can never finish exploring...it's already considered late to start now. Is she right?
Two different person, two perspectives, two topics and two guidance but one confusion. Who's right and wrong?
I think,these is no right nor wrong? It's a matter of who you want to be,what you want in life and how you want to live life? I'm lost... is the world too big and I've lost the passion to explore it? Or I've become too small without the drive to even start? Where's the motivation? Or, there's no difference between passion-drive-motivation? or, it's just ME? Sigh...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 11:08 PM
Hasn't been feeling good since then and mood didn't change much after the weekend. Got a little worst this week especially on wed where I really wanted to give up and wave white flag. Anyway, shall share my lunches for this week first before talking about work. Had heavy lunches this week which was very unhealthy with 4 good meals continuously. Too much good food can mean harm too. At least,on my weighing scale... sob!
Tue - HQ colleagues at Si Chuan restaurant near office. Food was not preferred as there was too much chili oil. However, guess the rest are pretty happy for it. Didn't talk much and topic was on Olympics...
Wed was another Si Chuan lunch with the welfare committee. Got sabo by C! It was better and the dim sum and food tasted a lot nicer. It was a little weird as new committee involves a few new faces from the new generation,but was worth a mention as we seldom have these clicks gathering together for lunch before. brainstormed on welfare events that can be organised,thoughts and oh,finding out more of each other's food preferences.
Thurs lunch was usual near the office but it was a company KTV night at Tanjong Pagar. Attendance was great and I believed...most have enjoyed. Loved the LCD screen,songs was oldies with memories, service was good till it became scary as they are too responsive and stood straight and right outside by the glass door.
Fri,was in for a last min light lunch arranged by T at PS cafe with the same click on Fri to celebrate K's birthday in advance. Topic was relationship and marriage,didn't talk much as usual. Why? Not sure- too tired maybe. Not my topic yet,maybe. Just so me,maybe.
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 10:16 PM
Work-Life Excellence Award (Achiever)
Date: 15 August 2008
Venue: Suntec Ballroom 1 & 2
Time: 7.30pm - 10.30pm
Kudos to C who initiated the participation of WLE award in May 2008. We have worked on this award while I was on exams leave a few months back and without her, it would be impossible. It was indeed tiring but fun-filled with memories while when digging out company's information way back from 2006 to 2007. (Just nice, it's from the year when I first joined PS; on the events organized, HR policies changes, benefits, flexibility at work and bonding sessions that have been organized, implemented and proposed)
Followed by emails, reports, write-ups and interviews with the short-listed group of staff, management and MOM officers. C did a great job by arranging for briefing, consolidating report information, correcting my grammatical errors, reminding me on the past events and practices that we can include etc. Recalled that interview with HR was the longest of all for 2 hours. Kinda freaked out when C updated me and there was no questions in advance for preparation. However, things went quite well during the interview with a few expected questions from the report submitted. Stunned for a few moments for some questions but managed to get through it... Results finally ripe after the hard work and even though it's not the best of the awards presented, it is still an award that we have all we worked hard for! (A big thanks to ALL - without you, it's simply impossible)Photos taken before dinner at Suntec City, 12 X 12 Cafe (A healthy organic cafe).
Photos taken after dinner at Suntec City, Balaclava.
Looks perfectly fine and happy yar? These are all after 6pm and was fighting battle in the office before 6pm. Something hurts me today at work and I was feeling all upset and had no one to talk to, I am really, very upset! Feeling unworthy, uncalled for and having to keep it all to myself was an agony. The only person whom I can confide in was on leave and feeling angry, I called her. However, being useless, I teared again while talking and I can't even reply her "Ok, I'm fine." Hung up the phone and ran down to back door to calm down. So useless, but I really am unhappy and stuck! *wanted to shout* Why in the hell should I even tear for such a matter!!! Thankfully, E came back to collect something and felt better after talking to her. Went back to office with redden eyes and continued working. T came in after a while, and it was my long awaited meeting with T and G on company's work process and overseas subsidiaries. Kept my cool and went in for meeting. All went well with lots of follow ups to be done again but was lucky that my redden eyes have already settled down by then. Sigh... Long day~
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 1:08 AM
Surprisingly, I am able to wake up on time at 8.30pm. That's how I am without my bed. Went down for a disappointing breakfast - plain porridge, hash-browns, orange juice, fried rice, Guo-tiao, sausage and vegetables. Was munching on my preserved plums when I'm back in the office after the dissatisfying breakfast buffet. Sad...
Being positive, the 2nd day is definitely a better day to look forward for the trip after all the delays and hiccups on the 1st day. We prepared and went to the concierge at 9.30am to confirm our pick-up timing at 10am and check out details for out 11am massage at Spa Villa. Thought we'll be sent back to Hotel after massage but luckily we checked as we are supposed to check out before setting off as we will depart directly from Spa Resort to the Ferry terminal. Checked out successfully and started to wait...
Tick tock, Tick tock, Tick tock! 10.30am and we are still waiting! Getting impatient, we waited at the front door and the bus came only at 11am. Yes, please imagine the time wasted. Chill~ Everything will be fine once we reached? Things will be over soon and no more waiting?
No! It's another nightmare, 1st thing that was being informed was that they are still trying to be a return ferry for us as the ferry are all fully booked and they are trying their best to get a ferry back to us. Relaxing, I left my fate for them to settle and all I want is to have a good time out.
Let's enjoy the scenery...
Again! yi bo san zhe!!! There was a delay due to the last massage timing, we have to wait for a while before it's our turn. Excused me.. it's already 11.45am! Waited till 12.30pm and was told to take our lunch first... here you go, the lunch (before spa - how weird)
After lunch at 1.30pm, was being told that Ferry is booked for 5pm and massage can only last us till 3pm. Need to rot for 1.5hours again? No man... left with no choice, we spent an additional of S$38 each for a body scrub of 45mins. At very least, it's finally time for the massage. Dozed off while waiting with thunderstorm... nice weather to zzz~
How upset, unnecessary time are being wasted, additional money are being spent and nothing but delays for the whole trip. Time, people management and allocation is definitely a big problem from what I can see and experienced. Not angry, but just.... disappointed!
Despite the delays and disappointment, I guess it's still a great trip for us as it's the companion that matters most.
At least, work is not our topic for these two days. 
I guess, I'm plain unlucky and not meant to take a break. No matter what, the spa session compensated back the unsatisfied delays that have taken place since the 1st day. The scenery was nice and clam... soothes one's mood.
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 2:27 AM
Departure: 9 Aug @ 12pm
Arrival: 10 Aug @ 2.30pm
Venue: Acacia Hotel @ Batam
Agenda: Massage, relax and pre-birthday trip for CY's 22nd Birthday.
As it was a public holiday, there were big crowds gathering at Harbour Front terminal and we only managed to get into the boarding area after a triple long queue. Ferry was supposed to depart at 12pm but we've only managed to leave at 2.30pm (waited 2.5hours in vain due to delay on Batam's departure and I shall not comment). Only realized that I did not change any money for this trip when I reached their airport and overheard some Singapore tourist's conversation on exchange rate. Zzz! Seriously, I'm still thinking that we can survive in SGD$ until I saw the prices in Rupiah in the Duty Free shop in the airport.
We're like starving after a long wait and indulged @ A&W (Waffle Ice-cream) the first thing after we exchanged SGD into Rupiah. It was SGD$1 : RUP$6,470 and by changing SGD$150, we have a sudden sense of richness due to the '000s.
Started spreeing till 7pm and feeling like a millionaire with the BIG notes in my pocket. But things there could cost Rup$100,000 per item. Had a tough time trying to get used to their money terms and calculator was on my mobile most of the times. Tiring but worth a try as I'm now able to balance the basic amount without having to refer to my calculator. Managed to grab a few 'worth to buy' accessories, feeling happy and walking the same shops over and over again, we called for a cab and went back to Hotel for Rup$70,000.
It was only like 8pm when we reached the hotel... tuning on from channels to channels, we decided to bottoms up the Cho-ya that we bought at DFS in SGD ferry terminal. Had fun taking photos and being crazy, we got bored after an hour. Call room services for in-house massage since it was quite affordable. Rup$10,000 for 30mins full body massage, we made a decision to call them up at 9pm. Feeling excited and worriesome, we packed our bag and kept our belongings. Who knows??? Phone rang and massage were being canceled! Feel our disappointment? Oh well, it's due to some road accident that the masseurs have met with and thus unable to turn up.
Next move? We decided to head down to look for some bites or activitives within the Hotel. Nothing was open except for the dining place and a covered Billard table... Right! We requested and we got it! The billard table is open for usage FOC. Oh yeah... it was wonderful and CY had a game with one of the security guard - he was good with his one hand hit.
Went back to the room, chatted, gossiped, drank and sweety dreams~ Feel asleep while talking. Good night!
Seems like there are a number of first time for 2008? First National Day that we are not together again even you are back on Singapore? Hmmm... a matter of getting used to it? Didn't receive calls from you and only got in touch when I got back to Hotel around 9pm after a call to you before I left on Ferry at 2.30pm? Part of it was due to low battery life of my mobile I guess but it doesn't seems to affect anyone... It's just another day ya~
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 11:43 PM
It has been a while since I had this situation again... but I really did not splurge on anything for the past few months. Oh man, being penniless is not a good feeling! More is needed to be spent on this week... life is good and looking forward for Friday's dinner with the gals to celebrate CY birthday and upcoming Batam trip. But... where to find $$??? *sad*
How I wished I'm still a student with only exam stress. Why must one grow and earn your own keep... Now I know why mummy always scold me for buying things and not switching off the power. Now that I'm earning my own keep with the same old monthly debts, I can fully understand. It's tough but at least it kept me going without bad debts with frugality. Can I not grow up? Pleaseeeeeeee... life is tough! Argh... hate living in deficit.
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 11:08 PM