Today, is my last day in office before I take my leave. Tons of things to settle with millions of worries. Slogged my way to complete and finish as much as I can with all sorts of predictions that might happen for May. Left office at 1am and it's no fun. Gate was locked and it's scary to hear shutter doors closing one by one. I shivered man, but I've got no choice. I snacked to make sure I don't think too much and be brave to stay on. Reached home at 1.30am and it's tiring... Don't scold me stupid but I can't run away from anything. It's either today/tomorrow or the day after... Might as well let it be today? BOO!
Finally... waited for the day to come to fully concentrate on my studies and keep it as my first priority at least, for this month. This is all I needed to really study and work hard for the exams. I have been neglecting, yes I know. But I'm always tired and lethargic to even think of studying let alone attend classes. I am guilty but what can I do, lack of discipline and time management.
This was exactly what I'm afraid of, right from the start of the commitment. With the assurance, support, confidence and advice, I made that step to never ever land~ I was sure that this is which I want and clear; for I have you in my plans, to guide me though the route and believing in everything that was lay in front of me. Really man, one should never say never. I am hurt and in fact, very! For what is there back then is no longer here.
I have to manage myself since that fateful day. I never regretted as this is what I've decided and embraced it with faith. I knew this day would come and this will happen... but I am left to strive on my own, with the heavy load on my shoulder. I'm afraid, I might just give way and end up with the most undesired result. I dread for this day to come, for sure I can't cope. I am stressed and now stuck in the middle of two boats, I expected it and might fall anytime. But, what I expected was never as difficult as this... for I can't handle it alone :(
No one understood what happened, no one knew what went on...
It was always between us for the unknown...
The promise ceased, since the day you left...
With me to fight the war alone.
I am angry, and confused...
I know the rules of the game, but I'm giving up.
Leaving it to what comes by to decide my fate.
I no longer wants to struggle, as I can do so no more...
As much as I want, I can't...
Something is holding me back...
With much grievances that I can only pour to myself.
The extension of many hands are weak,
and I'm still stuck in a hole...
I never know when I'll be freed...
But I'm just too tired and want to be left alone.
For this simple request, possible?
Just this month?
I want to be alone to not think of anything...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 2:19 AM