I know I am not going to enjoy my leave, with all those left undone and the books untouched. I know I am unable to concentrate, and will not be able to do so till the needed is done. With my limitations. I think I've maxed my 'quota', and really cannot absorb anymore... need a little breather at least. I have been chiong-ing for the past few years. Everyone else does too, but it's tiring, why must one work so hard. Sigh~
Materially, I've achieved nothing for I am still a simple me. I do not ask for lavish treatment nor splurge. Mentally, I've achieved nothing but negativity at times. Physically, not doing good. Life has been what is it and not under my control... I'm like a kite, following the direction of the wind. No matter how high I flew, I'm still tight to a string... The string that taught me how to, which direction to and how far to fly.
I knew I've gained a lot during these period on to manage challenges, truth of reality and human nature on fatality of words. I've learnt to be a little smarter, for nothing can be true and fair. True? What's most important is still the ultimate end. What lies behind the surface, are nothing but the ugly truth at times with a motive being attached to one's actions. "Nothing is free in this materialist world anyway?"
I'm tired of being taken for granted. My commitment is not for your leisure... what should I do. I'm tired of having a fake mask and believing that what I believed will still come true. I hate to live in delusion and picking up myself whenever I fell. I know, this time, I fell again and once again, I'd need to pick myself up. I'm tired but I still have to do it. Am I being stubborn and ignoring what lies in-front? Am I... I don't know. I just wants to move on, and I'd still believe that I'll do anything within me... I don't mind being the last for I do not need recognition. All I want is for your consideration and slight fairness~
How I wished
I wished - I could turn the clock back...
I wished - I had just graduated...
I wished - I had been more mature...
I wished - I had a little more time...
I wished - I had not been trusting...
I wished - I never believed that the good begets the good...
I wished I had, I wished I was and I wished I could...
How naive and gullible...
Leaving my fate to your hands.
I wished for everything but it's always too late...
For anything and everything, nothing can go against gravity on earth...
Just like no one could bring back the dead...
Tick Tock Tick Tock...
Looking back with no regrets?
I wished... I didn't or have I already started so?
At times
At times, I missed you...
At times, I hated you...
At times, I'm confused...
Who were you when you were talking to me?
Who were you when decisions were made?
Recalling back the times, it's scary...
I never knew who you were...
What you were thinking...
What plans you have in mind...
Which side of yours is true,
and which is not...
For better or worst, I know for sure, you have played an important role in my life.
I wouldn't have been what I am today, without you 'that' day.
I'm grateful yet in a loss as you left me behind...
with no words nor advice...
At times, I yearn for advice...
At times, I yearn for solutions...
At times, I yearn for your presence...
But I know, it's never gonna come true.
I'm lost... just lost...
The heart's cold, it's just another beautiful mistake. 4:49 PM